Silent vipassana meditation at Wat Chom Tong

‘A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving’. Lao Tse.

This post is all about fast cars, pickup trucks and bullock carts ;D

Good friend / sound healer Sarleia shared with me her good experience in 2023, i decided, ok! let’s try.. fast forward to end 2024.

Gratitude 🙏🏻to the Universe for pathing this way for self-insight by allowing things to be smooth (booking, air travel, transportation)  and quiet year-end professional life (with support staff) to allow for the complete downtime.

Tony, our regular Chiangmai driver dropped me off at the main temple and with my luggage, and a ride on the back of truck later (i was asking for directions to international reception centre and the truck driver happened to be going just there!) ,

me and luggage in pickup truck (2nd time this year!)

I was then shown my room which was going to be the space for the next 7 days. Clean and spacious, sleeping on a floor mattress with hot running water and fan.

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Now the real deal starts

After initial group orientation by Phra (monk) Felix on the basics of mindful prostration, walking and sitting meditation, we get a daily scheduled meeting with our designated meditation teacher. We speak about our experience, the teacher asks some questions, we get instructions to work on.

Other than an hour for breakfast (6-7am) and lunch (11am-12noon) (as we fast after 12), there’s only you, yourself and your practice 8-10 hours a day.

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Why did i do this?

Yoga sutras of Patanjali speaks of yama, niyama, asana, pranayama, pratyara, dharana, dyana (meditation), samadhi.

The same way i searched for yoga teacher in the beginning of 2000s and stuck with Ramananadji for the next 23 years (he is now teaching on pratyhara and the subtler aspects of the inner workings/self knowledge), this felt like a natural progression/ extension.

Having also explored some meditation techniques, this feels ‘right’ and hopefully will be a lifelong practice (this time in the actual sense of life-long).

Why do I think vipassana meditation might be suitable for me?

Vipassana meditation involves walking meditation and sitting meditation. Walking meditation trains concentration (dyana), and is appropriate given my secular life of being a physician in a busy practice. How do i maintain mindfulness and concentration in activity, how do i stay present in the moment, how do i not let the past stressors or future worries not allow me to live fully in the present.

Sitting meditation allows insight. For the mind to become still, with long sittings. Working with the physical difficulties which come up - pain, numbness, sensations as well as all mind-created emotions.

Understanding that all this is transitory. Even pain. Sitting with the discomfort beyond the part you want to get up and bolt, and suddenly you realise it’s transient nature.

Is this for everyone?

People who might have psychiatric conditions, at the height of difficult emotional situations, serious medical conditions might not find this appropriate at this given time. Long periods of sittings, periods of isolation , no face-to-face communications (except when you order food), no telecommunications, music, dance.  This is to allow the mind to have less distractions, to be able to look at itself honestly, with nowhere to go or hide, and definitely nothing to do except meditate, eat and sleep.

It can definitely help with stress, but the real intent of vipassana meditation, is to see clearly what is. Working with the five aggregates (body, thoughts, feelings, mental formations, consciousness) and facing hindrances (craving senses, anger, sloth, worry, doubt). Insights will come in different forms unique to individual’s life and experiences.

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What were my observations?

1. The mind wasn’t such a cool guy, driving at 200km/h in a Ferrari ready for a crash.

Stripped of all outer ornaments, no makeup, white plain clothing and all the trappings of the modern world, sitting 8-10 hours a day, sleeping at 10 and awake at 4am to start meditation. I’m an introvert (extroversion being an adapted model), so silence was a boon.

I told my meditation teacher Hannah, good! when we met first two days.

Picture on last night with meditation teacher Hannah

The third night came, i woke up 2 hours after sleep from a nightmare with my mind racing and heart racing. It could not stop! I was the Lewis Hamilton in an F1 race! Then a familiarity crept up whenever i was stressed about a work-related situation of a similiar sensation, except this was 1000 times amplified. I felt for fever, no fever. i felt for presence of ‘other beings’ (having that sensitivity), all was quiet. I then thought… i’m going mad. Is this the start of mania (late life psychosis)? i’ve been previously given the label ‘psychologically normal’ by a respected psychiatrist friend and a psychologist previously. I didn’t take any drugs nor magic pizza. Told myself to ground ground ground. And i came back after 5 minutes. A very mild and brief episode happened later at 3am.

During the morning interview, i told Hannah. She didn’t look impressed and said huh. And i said all mind huh.. she nodded.

That’s how dissociated we ‘our body’ are from the mind. Regular life mandates us to do more, do faster, be more efficient. This is what happens when we finally slow down.

Is this unique? definitely not. Mine took the form of an F1 driver in a tailspin. I surprised myself having been in countless yoga retreats over two decades with no meltdowns nor experiences. Meditation being part of the yoga experience but never a silent intense retreat of this nature. But having done yoga for a long time definitely helped see and ground the mind. Which is the rationale to have a systemic way of the 8 limbs of raja yoga.

The Russian neighbour from downstairs knocked on my door frantically today (accompanied by the other German neighbour) as she had heard sounds, likely pigeon cooing which she had mistaken for human in distress. I shrugged. She noted i looked fine. Bougie bougie?  she said… I nodded.

My father who has been on retreats told me before i left, the first 2-3 days is the hardest, then it gets better. But who listens to their parents right?

2.Good, bad, neutral - All same

During meditation, light, images,moments, clairvoyance come up.  Notice how the mind is drawn and lingers with the nice things; stay stoic with the bad stuff, or exaggerates (pain, discomfort and numbness is a common feature here) and neutral stuff. Maintain the sense of seeing things as they are. Transitory.

no mud. dried up lotuses

We had a chance to go to the main temple for the evening prayers. So we all bought flowers and sat with the locals in the beautiful temple while the monks chanted and gave a talk in Thai for 3 hours. Kneeling, sitting, sitting in siddasana for 3 hours. And with every prostration we had to do every now and again, that surrender had to come. No amount of yoga asanas would prepare the body. Surrender of the mind. Everyone was suffering, including the monks on stage, not moving for 3 hours (though they definitely suffer much less). But it was transitory, once we could walk again. And today’s sitting meditation felt grounded. Watch how quickly mind changes!

3.Fasting after noon

In a traditional Vipassana discipline to minimize distractions and maximize focus during meditation sessions; this is typically considered a standard practice in most Vipassana centers, with the rationale that a full stomach can hinder deep meditation.

I fasted with one meal daily. I never felt hungry during the 7 days. Food and mind has many relationships- food as a distraction, food as a comfort, food as an anchor. And also in scientific terms called gut-brain axis. I see many older adults with anxiety presenting with abdominal issues.

I felt lighter and more focused for sure. And have always been aware my relationship with food and stress.

In the monastic discipline, the monks would bring them alms bowl and eat whatever is placed inside by the followers. Still work in progress as I ate vegetarian Western food at the cafe daily, opting out of rice and Thai traditional foods served at the main temple hall as part of the programme.

4. By the 5th day, cool guy decided to fully retire  and become a bullock cart driver

The urban mind takes THAT long to settle. While more instructions were added to the sitting and walking instructions (including length of time), the mind could now hear its own heartbeat, the sound of the birds and pigeons, the howling dogs every dawn and dusk at ringing of the temple bells). Lifting, moving, putting. Rising, falling, sitting.

Walking around the lake during 20min break with Doi Intanon in the background

7th day and it was time to go. I will be back, next Christmas again 🙏🏻 I’m very much a beginner meditator but the only way is to keep going and practising on this goal-less path 🩷🙏🏻 my good fortune to have this experience again God-willing!

The above observations were accurate at time of writing but may no longer be valid when you read them, given the transitory nature of opinions and thoughts.

LIVING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT

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Asking for Forgiveness

If i hurt myself, intentionally or unintentionally, by thoughts, words or actions, may I forgive myself.

If i hurt another person, intentionally or unintentionally, by thoughts, words or actions, may this person forgive me.

If somebody hurt me, intentionally or unintentionally, by thoughts, words or actions, may I forgive this person.

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